Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
