whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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