he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
