I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
