Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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