YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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