Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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