he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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