I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
