I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
