I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
