you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
