Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
