You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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