Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
