Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
