Soap is not a condiment
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
