So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
