the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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