I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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