Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
