Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As shirtless as possible
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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