I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
