how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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