So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
