My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nicole vs. Life
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
