Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You left your phone here
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