This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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