Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize