Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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