i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
