While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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