Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
