First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
