God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
