hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
