i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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