I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
