I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
two words: eviction party
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
