Sry I called you an 8
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
