Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
