I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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