My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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