the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
