Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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