Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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