it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
