I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
