shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
