just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
