life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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