Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize