This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
