I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
