I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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