is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
whose parrot is this?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
