Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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