Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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