All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
