Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
