Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
