I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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