I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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