note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
