I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
