I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
