the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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