you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
