By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
