Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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