Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
