I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
