You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
