Quick, to the slutcave!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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