Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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