she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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