Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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