Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
