his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
