My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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