i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize