I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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