I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
